Kevin Felix Chan

The definition of success and how to go about reaching it in school and in life are actually very different. I’ve been reflecting on my experience working at AT&T and especially on the working culture of my startup, Best Delegate, and I’ve come to conclude that if we apply our modus operandi from school, then it will fail us in life. Instead, we need to re-learn what success means in life and the new ways to get there.

Here are five things school incorrectly taught us about life and what it should have taught us instead. If you’re curious as to where I derived the ideas, I briefly explain the working culture at Best Delegate at the end of this post.

Re-learning lifestyle in Paris

1. We should think lifestyle when we’re asked what we want to do in life.

In school, we were trained that the next step of success was finding a prestigious, good-paying job and therefore that is what we want to do. In life, we should be trained to think about what type of lifestyle we actually want to live and therefore find a career that will take us there.

Happiness for most people is derived from fulfilling dreams in life – what they want to do, have, or be. Your career should be viewed as the means to those ends rather than as the ends itself (unless you truly see what you do as play or are able to monetize what you love doing). Think of the end game and work backwards to see how you’ll get there rather than have your current career trajectory dictate your lifestyle.

Strategy and execution session (in Costa Rica)

2. Success comes from a willingness to grind it out.

In school, we succeeded through hacking – we gamed the system and figured out what was the minimal effort required in order to get an A in class. In life, we can still get by efficiently through hacking, but grinding it out is what will differentiate a great life from a simply good one.

Successful people often attribute it to their willingness to grind it out during tough times and I believe it. It’s not the strategy that makes a business succeed but rather the sweat and effort put in to execute on it. It’s not the good times that make a relationship strong but rather the overcoming of difficult emotional fallouts. And it’s not comfort that makes life exciting but rather the willingness to navigate uncertainty so you can get to where you want to go.

Laugh more often. (Photo in LA)

3. Emotional development is essential to feeling good about life.

In school, we’re taught to build knowledge, skills, credentials, and a network of relationships because those will make us better people and drive us to success – from the perspective of external viewers. In life, we should be building our emotional awareness, range, and command so we can be successful – from the perspective of our own internal feelings.

Emotional stimulation is essential to an exciting life, a deeper relationship, and I would argue a more fulfilling job. Life as many of us live it has desensitized us from emotions, particularly in the career space, that we just go through the motions. Instead, we should start humanizing different aspects of our life. At the end of the day, it’s really about the people in your life that makes it worth it, and more important, how good you feel about yourself and your own life.

Ship and test via temple climbing in Cambodia.

4. Shipping risk is the only way to test for rewards.

In school, we learned to be risk-adverse by doing what we’re told and playing it safe by following other people’s recipes for success. In life, we need to take calculated risks through beta testing so that we can find out what works as we carve our own paths.

You won’t know if your business idea will really succeed unless you test it in the market. You won’t know if he or she is the right one unless you test it out through a relationship (or ask him/her out in the first place). And you won’t know how much more fun life can be if you never try something new. The rewards are there. You just need to be willing to take a few shots at getting to them.

Success... is a good jumping picture! (Photo taken by David Chu in LA)

5. Success should be defined by our own goals and measurements.

In school, success was relative and we were always judged on how we performed to standards and our peers – we stressed over how others would do compared to us. In life, success is absolute and we should be judging ourselves on how we perform against our own goals and measurements – we should strive for whatever we’ve set out for ourselves.

Simply focusing more on being yourself will help you get there. As I mentioned in my speech below: The late John Wooden once said “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” Don’t worry about the things outside of your control. Focus on the things within your control. Strive – don’t stress – for success. Let success come to you.

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Best Delegate

For those who are curious, Best Delegate operates under many theoretical concepts, but the five I picked out were:

1. Lifestyle design
2. GTD Extreme
3. Emotional sport
4. Ship and test
5. Strive for success

Lifestyle design means understanding why everyone is starting this business and making sure everyone can create the experience they wanted to create.

GTD Extreme refers to a willingness to get things done; the strategy’s not the hard part but rather the execution of it.

Emotional sport refers to how Model UN and entrepreneurship are more than just intellectual activities but also emotional ones.

Ship and test is used to counter perfectionist mentality and to take calculated risks under imperfect information.

And striving for success is used to eliminate paths of unnecessary resistance that overachievers tend to put upon themselves.

Lifestyle designers tend to focus on strategies and tactics that help you live the life you want to live. But they don’t really touch upon the emotions you feel along the way – the feelings of being rich – which I believe are equally important to the living of a rich life.

Surprise is one of the richest feelings. We like to be surprised – it creates feelings of novelty and excitement in our lives. It’s why I enjoy traveling to new places, trying new foods, and meeting new people – they all bring an element of surprise.

But the element of surprise does not just come naturally on its own. People get pleasantly surprised because they had already wanted it to happen – they just didn’t expect it to happen at that moment.

It is important to know what your dreams are – what you want to have, do, or be. This is because knowing what we want in life will subconsciously open our emotions to these unexpected surprises. Here are three brief case studies of surprises – things that have made my day – which I have encountered in the past two months and my analysis of the three types of dreams that helped design the element of surprise into them:

Case #1: Rose

Surprise rose

The Surprise: I was blogging at Columbia’s Model UN conference and noticed students had been giving roses to each other. Right before I left, my Columbia friend asked if I had received a rose. When I told her I hadn’t, she surprised me by buying me one and totally made my day.

The Dream (what I wanted to have): A rose. If I were a random observer, the roses would mean nothing more than just flowers. But because I had seen the kids give roses to each other – and even to my business partner Ryan – throughout the weekend, it instilled a sense of meaning to the roses. Students gave roses to not only romantic interests but to people who they appreciated – friends, people who contributed good ideas, or people who just simply made the conference more fun. Subconsciously, my emotions associated a rose to the feeling of appreciation.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone with a gift, make sure you put an associated thought or meaning into it. If you want to be surprised by a gift, make sure you are spreading appreciation, excitement, and love to others so that they can return it in their own way.

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Case #2: McMUN

McMUN staff ready to party

The Surprise: The staff at every Model UN conference I blog about is always friendly. But at McGill, they surprised me with their hospitality from the very beginning – their staffers already knew my name and made sure to introduce themselves to me. They took me in as if I was one of them and let me spend the weekend hanging out with them as if I were on staff, too.

The Dream (what I wanted to be): Part of the family. I’m always engaged in meeting new people at every Model UN conference while it’s taking place, but in between sessions I become an outsider again – delegates and staffers congregate back with their friends at their respective schools whereas I have no one to “go back to.” Subconsciously, my emotions longed for one of the groups to include me so that I’m actually part of the conference rather than an observer.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone with hospitality or friendship, take them in as if they were part of the family and make them feel at home. If you want to be surprised by hospitality and friendship, keep putting yourself out there to meet different people until you encounter those who like you for who you are.

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Case #3: Facebook messages

Inspiration happens where you least expect it

The Surprise: On several random days, I received a Facebook message from someone I didn’t know writing to me about how they read my latest post through a friend of mine and felt inspired. Each one made my day – it felt rewarding to know that others are reading my articles. It also inspires me to keep writing. In fact, I received one a few days ago and that’s what prompted me to write this post.

The Dream (what I want to do): Inspire. I write these monthly posts because I want to share inspiration with others. I post on my website so that my notes can be shared publicly beyond my immediate friends, but I don’t proactively seek to expand my readership base. It’s always a pleasant surprise to receive a message from a friend of a friend letting me know that I helped inspire them.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone inspiring, thank them and spread their message to others. If you want to be surprised as an inspirer, just keep doing and sharing good things with others and success will come to you.

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Hopefully these examples help you to start thinking deeply about what you want to have, do, or be so that your emotions are more open to surprises – to more feelings of novelty and excitement. I had plenty of other people and moments that made my day with a surprise – being invited to watch a video of Prague playing at a co-worker’s office TV and meeting a cute girl at a work-related function come to mind. But I think you get the point – surprises happen if you wanted them and let them.

I have previously written about emotional stimulation as an important aspect to a rich life, but this is my first foray into the concept of emotional design – the hacking of thoughts and actions in order to elicit or facilitate an emotional response. Your comments are appreciated as always.

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Bonus share – here are some YouTube videos for your entertainment:

• This is how surprises should look and feel
• Just because it’s a surprise doesn’t mean it’s destiny

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I recently redesigned my website to give it a cleaner, more minimalist look and to make it easier to find articles on the topics I write about: lifestyle design, travel, and career.

Yes, I am pretending to be a tomb raider in Cambodia. What's wrong with having fun while growing up?

I take offense with the article published in the Wall Street Journal “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” Author Kay Hymowitz argues that too many men in their 20s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence – a pre-adulthood phase that women believe do not bring out the best in men.

I can only speak for myself and some of my other male friends in the lifestyle design subculture, and I disagree that our lifestyle is an extended adolescence. In fact, we are more grown up than ever and doing so adventurously – I would call this stage “extended adventure.” We’re in constant pursuit of an interesting career, we’re traveling the world, and we’re figuring out what we want out of our relationships and life. Adolescents don’t do this. And in the end, I think we will be better men because we went through “extended adventure.”

Good men are not supposed to find a good, stable job so that they can start providing for a family in their twenties. Men who started working without really knowing what they wanted out of their careers will eventually be dissatisfied with work. If you want your good man to come home from work happy, proud, and fulfilled, he needs to test different careers and entrepreneurship early on to figure out what he wants to do, and that means job instability by design. If you want him to be able to truthfully tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up, then he needs the fair chance to have chased his own dreams – or discovered them in the process.

Good men are not supposed to settle down to a lifestyle of mortgage and kids in their twenties. Men who started an ‘adult’ life without really living any other lifestyles first will eventually wonder if there is more to life. If you want your good man to be adventurous, spontaneous, and cultured, he needs to have lived such a life so he knows what those mean and can share it with his family – he needs to travel the world or pursue his passions by design. If you want him to be able to raise your kids in a fun, worldly, and stimulating household, then he needs the fair chance to define fun, learn about the world, and try to make a difference.

And good men are not supposed to get married and live a tame life in their (early) twenties. Men who got married without taking the time to figure out what they want out of relationships – physically, intellectually, and emotionally – will eventually be dissatisfied with marriage. If you want your good man to be able to provide for you physically, intellectually, and emotionally, he needs to test those out with different women so he knows what he likes and doesn’t like by design. If you want him to be able to show your kids how much he loves ‘mommy,’ he needs the fair chance to make sure that he chose the right one to give that love to and work on a relationship with.

Let’s be fair here: you could easily substitute ‘men’ with ‘women’ in my arguments above. Women are trying to figure out what they want in their career, relationships, and lifestyle too. Yet men don’t ask “where have all the good women gone?” when women do the same, and they shouldn’t. Both men and women in our generation need to understand that we are growing up with more adventurous options in life than ever before and that pursuing these adventures in our twenties instead of conforming to social standards of ‘adulthood’ will in adulthood make us better men and women.

One more caveat: men who are not really trying to figure out what they want in work, relationships, and life shouldn’t count under this “good men” category. My point is that the good men do exist and are consciously designing themselves to be better men – they just might not do things in their twenties that the previous generation had defined as ‘adulthood. ’

My overall goals for 2011 are living well and enhancing life through a Personal MBA. The concept of the Personal MBA is to focus on well-rounded learning and practical development to augment one’s work, lifestyle, and travel. While I had many ideas, I had to be realistic and selected the ones that fit my goals, anticipated lifestyle, and free time. Given that, here are my 2011 Resolutions – or Personal MBA courses if you will:

Live well. Love much. Laugh often.

Entrepreneurship: Build my web-based education startup, Best Delegate, toward profitability and automation.

Experiential Travel: Travel with a purpose beyond sightseeing. This could be going on a food tour, doing a photo shoot, tackling an adventure sport, or even meeting new people.

Personal Branding: Start a personal development website for public reading (as opposed to just a personal website). I plan to post more often in hopes to gaining recognition in this field.

Sustainable Philanthropy: Start a microloan fund with Kiva or Wokai. In addition, continue exploring opportunities to contribute to sustainable international development.

DSLR Photography: Purchase a DSLR and become confident in using it. I anticipate this will become my artistic hobby.

Physical Fitness: Try following the Four Hour Body to holistically improve my physical fitness. Seek alternatives if it doesn’t work out; it’s really important that I improve in this.

Cooking: Be able to cook seven different healthy meals. I feel like this repertoire would enable me to eat healthy and serve as a good baseline to increase variety.   

Dating: Strive – don’t stress – for success. Enjoy getting to know the other person and let success come to me. Also, improve in communicating what I want and being more self-assured.

Entrance Exams: Achieve GMAT and GRE scores that would put me in statistical range for top 10 business schools and international relations / public policy schools.

Live Atlanta: Spend more time exploring Atlanta and the South and meet new friends in the process.

I hope to beta test leading a food tour

In addition to my Resolutions, I usually add some side goals which this year I have divided into beta tests and recurring learning.

Beta Tests:

• Lead a food tour
• Make a video or vlog on YouTube
• Try (hot?) yoga
• Try a lesson in salsa dancing
• Upgrade my wardrobe periodically

Recurring Learning:

• Continue reading lifestyle design theory in areas I need to strengthen (in particular Guillebeau, Ferrazzi, Godin, Newport, Reynolds, and Ferriss)
• Practice speaking Mandarin

I plan to visit NYC several times this year

Also, I get asked often about my travel plans for 2011. Here’s a tentative itinerary for the first half of the year:

• Jan: New York City, Philadelphia, Montreal
• Feb: Chicago, Washington DC
• Mar: New Orleans, New York City, potentially Singapore and/or Shanghai
• Apr: (none so far)
• May: New York City
• June: Los Angeles
• Southern cities in the spring: Nashville, Charleston, Savannah, Miami, and Memphis
• International trip ideas for Aug/Sept: Southeast Asia and Taiwan, Argentina and Chile, Greece and Turkey, India, family trip to Japan and Macau, still open to ideas!

I appreciate any impact you can make to help me achieve these goals. Please share your goals if I can help in any way. Cheers to an amazing 2011!

Enjoying Atlanta

Here are my original 2010 Resolutions and here is how I did on them:

Pursue a third rotation that fits my career and geographic interests: Pass. I achieved both of my stated goals; I found a job in device marketing and landed in the mobility headquarters in Atlanta. I’ve enjoyed the new job and new location so far.

Start branding myself professionally: Pass. Initially, I thought social media would make me stand out and I accomplished this through several speaking engagements. But now, in my mind success for this goal is defined by the positive feedback I’ve received throughout this year as I developed my 15 Personal Lessons series on kevinfelixchan.com. Several friends even suggested that I should convert my blog posts into a book in the future!

Travel between rotations and throughout the year: Pass. Mini-retirement between rotations was awesome. I took two trips to Central America and a trip to Canada, saw my cousin graduate, hosted college friends at my place in the Bay Area, and volunteered at UNA-USA MUN. I also traveled throughout the year – the full list can be found in my 15 Personal Highlights post.

Get involved with humanitarian, development, or social entrepreneurship efforts: Fail. This got pushed to the backburner for a variety of reasons, and I’m okay with it given my current time allocation.

Turn one of my interests into an entrepreneurial project: Pass. My web-based education startup, Best Delegate, really took off this year and entrepreneurship is going to play an even larger role in my life next year.

Implement health-conscious dietary habits: Fail. I’ve been eating marginally healthier than when I started, but I didn’t focus on the three metrics I set out to accomplish (selecting healthier choices when eating out, drinking more water, and bringing lunch more often). I did, however, succeed in my side goal of hosting a dinner party.

Develop an exercise habit: Fail. I wasn’t very consistent on this; there were months when I worked out often and months when I didn’t even hit the minimum of four visits to the gym.

Start automated financing for near-future large purchases: Fail. Technically, this is a major fail as I didn’t automate my finances and didn’t even buy the item I really wanted (a DSLR). Holistically, I didn’t do that bad as my personal finance situation and discretionary spending budget is in great shape even without automation.

Maintain a fun lifestyle in the Bay Area: Pass. I think I did pretty well given that I was working long hours and some weekends during my U-verse rotation. Big thanks to all my friends up there.

Be in the moment and appreciate myself: Neutral. The description actually outlined a two-part goal – to express my feelings for a girl when I am interested in them and to appreciate myself whenever I had to cut my losses. I think I improved significantly on the former but can still be more consistent on the latter.

Ping friends and family consistently: Pass. I feel I am doing a pretty good job keeping up with as many friends as possible and that I’ve been maintaining solid contact with family. A bonus win for this goal was that I got to see two cousins this year that I hadn’t seen in many years.

Total out of 11 Goals: 6 Pass, 1 Neutral, 4 Fail. Overall, there were not only more wins but some big, life-changing wins in there and I think that definitely helped make 2010 a great year.

Hope you had a great year as well!

“I know I can’t settle for the present if I want to at least discover if there is a holistically better future worth pursuing” – from 15 Personal Lessons from Mini-Retirement (June 30, 2010)

Mini-retirement in Mexico

I went through three different lives again this year: working in the Bay Area, vagabonding through mini-retirement, and exploring Atlanta. Mini-retirement was one of the happiest times of my post-graduate life – I got to spend time with family and friends, travel, and reflect on the important things in life.

The other two periods were fun but more challenging. I loved the Bay Area but I was working more than living due to the nature of my job then. And Atlanta life has been surprisingly exciting, but I spent a few months intensely wrestling with the “passion trap,” that is, I was so passionately engulfed with my startup, Best Delegate, to the extent where I felt a little disillusioned with my regular day job that I previously enjoyed.

But everything’s not supposed to go smoothly, especially during the volatile 20-something quarterlife crisis years, and I see that as a blessing in disguise. It takes both good and bad experiences to figure out your dreams – what you want to have, do, or be.

With that said, here are 15 Personal Highlights from 2010 sorted into three categories:

Five Accomplishments

1. Starting a web-based education company, Best Delegate, with Ryan. Watch my speech below to see how Model UN has inspired me to my startup journey:

2. Beta tested a career as a social media speaker with several speaking engagements in the Bay Area.

Beta testing a career as a social media speaker

3. Attempted the four-pound pho challenge against the world’s #1-ranked competitive eater, Joey Chestnut!

Ready, set, devour like Kobayashi!

4. Threw several awesome parties in Atlanta.

I'm the mayor of Foursquare... and my own party.

5. Cooked a delicious meal for our Thanksgiving weekend in North Carolina.

Bulgogi; kimchee fried rice; pineapple, shrimp, & asparagus

Five Travel Experiences

6. Backpacked through Guatemala, Belize, and Mexico — highlights include catching a sunset atop Mayan temple ruins at Tikal and snorkeling with sharks off Caye Caulker

Posing in front of "my boat" in Belize

7. Hosted my Sproul 2South friends for a fun-filled photo-shoot weekend in San Francisco.

Photoshoot fun in SF

8. Survived epic adventure sports — whitewater rafting, canyoning, and ziplining through a cloud forest — in Costa Rica.

Preparing to tackle a Level 4 in Costa Rica

9. Went on the family trip to beautiful Seattle, Vancouver, and the Canadian Rockies that my mom had been wanting to do for years.

Admiring the beautiful lakes in Canada

10. Explored the enchanting Central European cities of Budapest, Vienna, and Prague.

Taking in the view of Budapest

Five Lessons

11. Learned that it’s necessary to taste the bittersweet to know what I want in life.

Reflecting on my emotions

12. Outgrew my youthful tolerance for stupidity after an incident with Asian-American clubbing on my birthday (thanks Nick for stepping in). On a more positive note, Jessica Biel crashed my birthday party at Venice Beach:

Can you spot Jessica Biel?

13. Found out I had widespread name recognition amongst AT&T’s APCA group during the National ERG Conference, but I also found out the hard way from APCA some of my limitations too in a separate incident

Reunited at the AT&T National ERG Conference

14. Allowed myself to be inspired — by Chris Guillebeau, Professor Huters, Joan Massola, Anthony Suen, Ryan Villanueva, Silicon Valley, mini-retirement, and the quarterlife crisis.

Meeting Chris Guillebeau on his Unconventional Book Tour

15. Atlanta is surprisingly cosmopolitan.  

Enjoying ice cream on a Hotlanta day

Other highlights include:
• Fun trips hosted by friends in: SF (Nancy/John and Giz), Dallas (Deniz), Boston (Annie), and Tampa (Elizabeth)
• Seeing my cousins Joyce and Emily after many years
• Staffing my last UNA-USA MUN
• Discovering Asian-American YouTube culture
• Watching Up in the Air which has many parallels to my life
• Enjoying Atlanta life: LDP food adventures and parties, Braves games, Tennessee rafting, AT&T marketing job, visitors (Ryan, Julie, Alan, Nora), DCI Atlanta
• Getting the 15 Personal Lessons series and kevinfelixchan.com to start taking off!

Thanks to all who’ve helped make this year amazing!
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Travel Recap

Domestic from Bay Area: Boston, LA x3, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Santa Cruz, New York, Seattle
Domestic from Atlanta: Tennessee, Tampa, SF x2, Dallas, New York, Providence, Asheville, LA
International Travel:
• Guatemala (Antigua, Lake Atitlan, Tikal)
• Belize (Caye Caulker)
• Mexico (Playa del Carmen, Xel-Ha, Tulum, Valladolid, Chichen Itza)
• Costa Rica (San Jose, Arenal, Sarapiqui River, Monteverde, Puerto Viejo de Talamanca)
• Canada (Vancouver, Whistler, Victoria, Yoho and Banff National Parks)
• Hungary (Budapest)
• Austria (Vienna)
• Czech Republic (Prague)

Meeting Chris Guillebeau on his Unconventional Book Tour

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending Chris Guillebeau’s Atlanta visit in his Unconventional Book Tour. Chris is the author of the book The Art of Non-Conformity. I wanted to share some of my thoughts from Chris’ talk:

Pursue meaningful adventure over efficiency. Many of us are trained to be increasingly efficient in our pursuits. We’re efficient at passing our classes in school, getting the job done at work, and even at optimizing travel plans. But Chris says efficiency is overrated because we then tend not to put enough thought into the purpose behind all these pursuits. Instead, we should focus on learning while in school, making a difference while at work, and enjoying the experience while traveling or whatever we find meaningful in our pursuits.

The message is most impactful to the disillusioned. Many younger people, especially college students, are not receptive to the messages of non-conformity because they have not yet been disillusioned from the working world. They believe in studying hard, landing a good job, and living the traditional lifestyle. I’m no longer naïve, but I’m not disillusioned either. In fact, some of my friends and I wonder if it’s possible to have a balanced lifestyle of both conformity and non-conformity – I work an enjoyable corporate job but also run a web startup (Best Delegate) and take mini-retirements abroad. I guess I’ll just have to be foolish and experience more in life before I figure it out.

Move toward personality branding. Personal branding used to focus on a specialty – knowledge of a topic, skill, or experience – but personal branding nowadays is increasingly focused on the personality. That is, people care about the individual and not just what that person knows or does. I don’t have to limit my writings to just my management career, 20-something life, and travels. I could experiment writing about other topics of interest (food, sports, photography, Asian-American issues, and social media come to mind) and more important, candid stories of my own life, which some of my friends wish I wrote more about in my monthly 15 Personal Lessons posts. The key is to package all these topics into one theme.

A friend asked me if I was inspired by Chris’ talk. I think I was more reflective if anything. In particular, I reflected on whether non-conformity is the path I should take. To be honest, I felt a little out of place at the event. Most people were older than me and seemed to know what they want in life. I’m only a few years removed from college and still haven’t figured that out yet. Whenever I explore new career paths, I always ask if I want to be whatever the successful person (e.g. a corporate executive) looks like 20 years down the line and live that type of lifestyle. Similarly, do I want be like these people who took the plunge into non-conformist lifestyles?