Kevin Felix Chan

A year ago, my business partner Ryan Villanueva wrote about why he left his job at Goldman Sachs to work on Best Delegate full-time. It is only fitting that a year later, I also left my job to do the same.

I had spent the past three years working at AT&T, the largest telecom company in the world, as part of their Leadership Development Program. I was hired as a manager straight out of undergrad and worked in interesting rotations in marketing, operations, and sales. I enjoyed my job, made some of my best friends from work, and was even promoted to senior manager earlier this year. It was everything I wanted out of college and I had a promising career ahead.

So why would I leave it all?

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It’s been a while since I blogged. I have been traveling literally every other weekend since the beginning of this year and my traveling phase finally came to a close with my last Best Delegate-related trip two weekends ago.

I’ve had my fair share of experiences from these travels that I had wanted to share but with a job change at AT&T, all the startup work, and some personal issues, I didn’t have the chance to really reflect and bundle up my thoughts thematically until now.

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from these travels is not to take things – experiences, memories, people – for granted and the latter especially so. I’ve met many friends and even romantic interests during these travels – some are still friends, others have become Strangers, again (ok not really; I just wanted to integrate a great WongFu video in my blog post).

Anyway, I thought I’d do a throwback to the “15 Personal Lessons” format – here are 15 Things to Not Take for Granted:

The Post Chastain crew is my family of friends in Atlanta

Friendship-related

1. Hospitality. I could not have traveled to so many places without the hospitality of my friends. Business travel is surprisingly lonely at times – having friends on the road makes a huge difference in the quality of the travel experience.  A big ‘thank you’ goes out to all my hosts – you know who you are.

2. Family of friends back home. I’m always on the road, but whenever I come back to Atlanta I always have the same family of friends – the Post Chastain crew – to go back to. Having a constant is extremely valuable and cannot be taken for granted.

3. Personal board of advisors. Whether it was a career dilemma or a girl issue, I always knew who I could turn to for help and for sound advice. I am very grateful to have friends who I not only trust but know they will have my back when I really needed them. Personal issues and challenges are stressful – make sure to thank those who hear you out or to not overload them with your stress.

4. Someone’s effort and time. People put in effort and time into you because they care about you despite their busy lives and the numerous priorities that they have. We can’t take things that people put a lot of time and effort into like thoughtfulness, appreciation, and even in-person interaction for granted.

5. A situation that reveals true character. Sometimes you find out that people who you thought were friends don’t have the right character or can be inconsiderate. These are valuable experiences because you learn if that person really cares – or knows how to care – about you.

Thanks Julie for always being one of my go-to friends when I need a good talk

Personal concepts

6. That I took a risk and tried.  Not everything always goes your way and sometimes the results might be painful, but you have to keep trying because things will never go your way if you don’t even try. As Ryan once mentioned, meaningful reward require meaningful risk.

7. Separation of emotions and logic. Sometimes you want emotions to drive decisions, and sometimes it’s better to go with logic. Knowing how to separate the two so that you can pick the right one to use for each situation will help save you from a lot of pain and trouble in the long-run even if it hurts or doesn’t make sense immediately.

8. My moral compass. This is what I ultimately fell back to in some of the most difficult personal moments I’ve experienced recently. A solid moral compass serves as a valuable guide, and it is important to know when to apply it or have friends who can remind you to apply it when needed.

9. Hedging.  Hedging is putting your eggs in two baskets — it’s the ability to calculate and concurrently accept risk tolerance in two uncertain situations. I’ve had to hedge in work, in travel plans, and even in personal relationships. Being able to manage uncertainty and risk through hedging can help you save a lot of stress.

10. Health. Make sure to take care of your physical health and invest in your body. A healthy body is the key to many drivers of success: focus, confidence, energy, well-being, etc. I know I wouldn’t be able to stay up until 2am every weeknight working on the startup if my body was not being take care of.

Ryan and I have learned a lot together as Best Delegate business partners

Career

11. Finding out who not to work with. Who you work with is as important as where you work and what you do. Knowing how to differentiate between the good and bad clients and bosses can make a big difference in your happiness and stress levels.

12. Having career options. Most of us have the education, skills, and network to change careers, jump into entrepreneurship, or (if you’re crazy like me) do both simultaneously. This flexibility can not be taken for granted when we consider so many who do not even have a job, and the aspects that helped us develop this flexibility should be continually nurtured and shared with others.

13. Someone who really values your advice. Those who seek your advice and listen to it are valuable because it allows you to frame a certain lesson or chapter in your life and give back that life lesson to someone else. This rewarding act usually helps you create mental simplicity.

14. Adaptability. It’s not easy to always shock your system with a new job, a new city, or even a new apartment. But being adaptable to new environments opens up many opportunities that would not have otherwise been available to you — or even known to you.

15. Execution. You could also call this energy, efficiency, discipline, or simply getting things done (GTD). The ability to execute is often underrated compared to strategy, but it is really execution that differentiates someone who merely has a good idea from someone who can create and deliver something amazing.

Of course, I can’t take for granted my readers. I’m always inspired to reflect, but you guys inspire me to write about it and share it. Thank you.

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What are some other things you do not take for granted?

The definition of success and how to go about reaching it in school and in life are actually very different. I’ve been reflecting on my experience working at AT&T and especially on the working culture of my startup, Best Delegate, and I’ve come to conclude that if we apply our modus operandi from school, then it will fail us in life. Instead, we need to re-learn what success means in life and the new ways to get there.

Here are five things school incorrectly taught us about life and what it should have taught us instead. If you’re curious as to where I derived the ideas, I briefly explain the working culture at Best Delegate at the end of this post.

Re-learning lifestyle in Paris

1. We should think lifestyle when we’re asked what we want to do in life.

In school, we were trained that the next step of success was finding a prestigious, good-paying job and therefore that is what we want to do. In life, we should be trained to think about what type of lifestyle we actually want to live and therefore find a career that will take us there.

Happiness for most people is derived from fulfilling dreams in life – what they want to do, have, or be. Your career should be viewed as the means to those ends rather than as the ends itself (unless you truly see what you do as play or are able to monetize what you love doing). Think of the end game and work backwards to see how you’ll get there rather than have your current career trajectory dictate your lifestyle.

Strategy and execution session (in Costa Rica)

2. Success comes from a willingness to grind it out.

In school, we succeeded through hacking – we gamed the system and figured out what was the minimal effort required in order to get an A in class. In life, we can still get by efficiently through hacking, but grinding it out is what will differentiate a great life from a simply good one.

Successful people often attribute it to their willingness to grind it out during tough times and I believe it. It’s not the strategy that makes a business succeed but rather the sweat and effort put in to execute on it. It’s not the good times that make a relationship strong but rather the overcoming of difficult emotional fallouts. And it’s not comfort that makes life exciting but rather the willingness to navigate uncertainty so you can get to where you want to go.

Laugh more often. (Photo in LA)

3. Emotional development is essential to feeling good about life.

In school, we’re taught to build knowledge, skills, credentials, and a network of relationships because those will make us better people and drive us to success – from the perspective of external viewers. In life, we should be building our emotional awareness, range, and command so we can be successful – from the perspective of our own internal feelings.

Emotional stimulation is essential to an exciting life, a deeper relationship, and I would argue a more fulfilling job. Life as many of us live it has desensitized us from emotions, particularly in the career space, that we just go through the motions. Instead, we should start humanizing different aspects of our life. At the end of the day, it’s really about the people in your life that makes it worth it, and more important, how good you feel about yourself and your own life.

Ship and test via temple climbing in Cambodia.

4. Shipping risk is the only way to test for rewards.

In school, we learned to be risk-adverse by doing what we’re told and playing it safe by following other people’s recipes for success. In life, we need to take calculated risks through beta testing so that we can find out what works as we carve our own paths.

You won’t know if your business idea will really succeed unless you test it in the market. You won’t know if he or she is the right one unless you test it out through a relationship (or ask him/her out in the first place). And you won’t know how much more fun life can be if you never try something new. The rewards are there. You just need to be willing to take a few shots at getting to them.

Success... is a good jumping picture! (Photo taken by David Chu in LA)

5. Success should be defined by our own goals and measurements.

In school, success was relative and we were always judged on how we performed to standards and our peers – we stressed over how others would do compared to us. In life, success is absolute and we should be judging ourselves on how we perform against our own goals and measurements – we should strive for whatever we’ve set out for ourselves.

Simply focusing more on being yourself will help you get there. As I mentioned in my speech below: The late John Wooden once said “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” Don’t worry about the things outside of your control. Focus on the things within your control. Strive – don’t stress – for success. Let success come to you.

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Best Delegate

For those who are curious, Best Delegate operates under many theoretical concepts, but the five I picked out were:

1. Lifestyle design
2. GTD Extreme
3. Emotional sport
4. Ship and test
5. Strive for success

Lifestyle design means understanding why everyone is starting this business and making sure everyone can create the experience they wanted to create.

GTD Extreme refers to a willingness to get things done; the strategy’s not the hard part but rather the execution of it.

Emotional sport refers to how Model UN and entrepreneurship are more than just intellectual activities but also emotional ones.

Ship and test is used to counter perfectionist mentality and to take calculated risks under imperfect information.

And striving for success is used to eliminate paths of unnecessary resistance that overachievers tend to put upon themselves.

Lifestyle designers tend to focus on strategies and tactics that help you live the life you want to live. But they don’t really touch upon the emotions you feel along the way – the feelings of being rich – which I believe are equally important to the living of a rich life.

Surprise is one of the richest feelings. We like to be surprised – it creates feelings of novelty and excitement in our lives. It’s why I enjoy traveling to new places, trying new foods, and meeting new people – they all bring an element of surprise.

But the element of surprise does not just come naturally on its own. People get pleasantly surprised because they had already wanted it to happen – they just didn’t expect it to happen at that moment.

It is important to know what your dreams are – what you want to have, do, or be. This is because knowing what we want in life will subconsciously open our emotions to these unexpected surprises. Here are three brief case studies of surprises – things that have made my day – which I have encountered in the past two months and my analysis of the three types of dreams that helped design the element of surprise into them:

Case #1: Rose

Surprise rose

The Surprise: I was blogging at Columbia’s Model UN conference and noticed students had been giving roses to each other. Right before I left, my Columbia friend asked if I had received a rose. When I told her I hadn’t, she surprised me by buying me one and totally made my day.

The Dream (what I wanted to have): A rose. If I were a random observer, the roses would mean nothing more than just flowers. But because I had seen the kids give roses to each other – and even to my business partner Ryan – throughout the weekend, it instilled a sense of meaning to the roses. Students gave roses to not only romantic interests but to people who they appreciated – friends, people who contributed good ideas, or people who just simply made the conference more fun. Subconsciously, my emotions associated a rose to the feeling of appreciation.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone with a gift, make sure you put an associated thought or meaning into it. If you want to be surprised by a gift, make sure you are spreading appreciation, excitement, and love to others so that they can return it in their own way.

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Case #2: McMUN

McMUN staff ready to party

The Surprise: The staff at every Model UN conference I blog about is always friendly. But at McGill, they surprised me with their hospitality from the very beginning – their staffers already knew my name and made sure to introduce themselves to me. They took me in as if I was one of them and let me spend the weekend hanging out with them as if I were on staff, too.

The Dream (what I wanted to be): Part of the family. I’m always engaged in meeting new people at every Model UN conference while it’s taking place, but in between sessions I become an outsider again – delegates and staffers congregate back with their friends at their respective schools whereas I have no one to “go back to.” Subconsciously, my emotions longed for one of the groups to include me so that I’m actually part of the conference rather than an observer.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone with hospitality or friendship, take them in as if they were part of the family and make them feel at home. If you want to be surprised by hospitality and friendship, keep putting yourself out there to meet different people until you encounter those who like you for who you are.

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Case #3: Facebook messages

Inspiration happens where you least expect it

The Surprise: On several random days, I received a Facebook message from someone I didn’t know writing to me about how they read my latest post through a friend of mine and felt inspired. Each one made my day – it felt rewarding to know that others are reading my articles. It also inspires me to keep writing. In fact, I received one a few days ago and that’s what prompted me to write this post.

The Dream (what I want to do): Inspire. I write these monthly posts because I want to share inspiration with others. I post on my website so that my notes can be shared publicly beyond my immediate friends, but I don’t proactively seek to expand my readership base. It’s always a pleasant surprise to receive a message from a friend of a friend letting me know that I helped inspire them.

Emotional Design: If you want to surprise someone inspiring, thank them and spread their message to others. If you want to be surprised as an inspirer, just keep doing and sharing good things with others and success will come to you.

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Hopefully these examples help you to start thinking deeply about what you want to have, do, or be so that your emotions are more open to surprises – to more feelings of novelty and excitement. I had plenty of other people and moments that made my day with a surprise – being invited to watch a video of Prague playing at a co-worker’s office TV and meeting a cute girl at a work-related function come to mind. But I think you get the point – surprises happen if you wanted them and let them.

I have previously written about emotional stimulation as an important aspect to a rich life, but this is my first foray into the concept of emotional design – the hacking of thoughts and actions in order to elicit or facilitate an emotional response. Your comments are appreciated as always.

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Bonus share – here are some YouTube videos for your entertainment:

• This is how surprises should look and feel
• Just because it’s a surprise doesn’t mean it’s destiny

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I recently redesigned my website to give it a cleaner, more minimalist look and to make it easier to find articles on the topics I write about: lifestyle design, travel, and career.

Yes, I am pretending to be a tomb raider in Cambodia. What's wrong with having fun while growing up?

I take offense with the article published in the Wall Street Journal “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” Author Kay Hymowitz argues that too many men in their 20s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence – a pre-adulthood phase that women believe do not bring out the best in men.

I can only speak for myself and some of my other male friends in the lifestyle design subculture, and I disagree that our lifestyle is an extended adolescence. In fact, we are more grown up than ever and doing so adventurously – I would call this stage “extended adventure.” We’re in constant pursuit of an interesting career, we’re traveling the world, and we’re figuring out what we want out of our relationships and life. Adolescents don’t do this. And in the end, I think we will be better men because we went through “extended adventure.”

Good men are not supposed to find a good, stable job so that they can start providing for a family in their twenties. Men who started working without really knowing what they wanted out of their careers will eventually be dissatisfied with work. If you want your good man to come home from work happy, proud, and fulfilled, he needs to test different careers and entrepreneurship early on to figure out what he wants to do, and that means job instability by design. If you want him to be able to truthfully tell your kids they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up, then he needs the fair chance to have chased his own dreams – or discovered them in the process.

Good men are not supposed to settle down to a lifestyle of mortgage and kids in their twenties. Men who started an ‘adult’ life without really living any other lifestyles first will eventually wonder if there is more to life. If you want your good man to be adventurous, spontaneous, and cultured, he needs to have lived such a life so he knows what those mean and can share it with his family – he needs to travel the world or pursue his passions by design. If you want him to be able to raise your kids in a fun, worldly, and stimulating household, then he needs the fair chance to define fun, learn about the world, and try to make a difference.

And good men are not supposed to get married and live a tame life in their (early) twenties. Men who got married without taking the time to figure out what they want out of relationships – physically, intellectually, and emotionally – will eventually be dissatisfied with marriage. If you want your good man to be able to provide for you physically, intellectually, and emotionally, he needs to test those out with different women so he knows what he likes and doesn’t like by design. If you want him to be able to show your kids how much he loves ‘mommy,’ he needs the fair chance to make sure that he chose the right one to give that love to and work on a relationship with.

Let’s be fair here: you could easily substitute ‘men’ with ‘women’ in my arguments above. Women are trying to figure out what they want in their career, relationships, and lifestyle too. Yet men don’t ask “where have all the good women gone?” when women do the same, and they shouldn’t. Both men and women in our generation need to understand that we are growing up with more adventurous options in life than ever before and that pursuing these adventures in our twenties instead of conforming to social standards of ‘adulthood’ will in adulthood make us better men and women.

One more caveat: men who are not really trying to figure out what they want in work, relationships, and life shouldn’t count under this “good men” category. My point is that the good men do exist and are consciously designing themselves to be better men – they just might not do things in their twenties that the previous generation had defined as ‘adulthood. ’